Misogyny, snobbery and judgement: Who is the worst friend in Sex and The City?

In which I deliver a hot take on a show that ended 20 years ago

Sex and the City, a cultural phenomenon that captured the hearts of many with its glamorous portrayal of friendship and romance in New York City, has been a subject of both admiration and criticism since its debut. While the show has often been lauded for its progressive take on sexuality and relationships, a closer look reveals more than a few problematic undertones. Particularly, and this isn’t a widely discussed thought, in the character of Charlotte York. As I revisit the series, it has become increasingly evident to me that Charlotte's actions and attitudes contribute to a toxic and misogynistic narrative, overshadowing even the questionable Mr. Big. She is the worst friend. Yes, even worse than Carrie who seemingly writes about their most personal and embarrassing exploits in her column. 

In the early seasons, Charlotte appears as the quintessential Park Avenue princess, seemingly innocent and naive, but her views on relationships and femininity become more apparent and troubling with each episode. The most glaring issue is her insistence on adhering to traditional, outdated gender roles, perpetuating harmful stereotypes that restrict women as being defined by their relationships and undermine their agency.

One of the most infuriating aspects of Charlotte's character is her stance on relationships, encapsulated in her advice to her friends, particularly Carrie Bradshaw. In one memorable scene, when Carrie confides in her friends about the struggles in her situationship with Mr. Big, Miranda provides sensible advice – to let go if he makes you doubt yourself and isn’t willing to commit. However, Charlotte dismisses this wisdom, insisting that enduring heartache now is worth it as long as there's a chance of securing a successful and wealthy partner in the future. I mean, what? Imagine your friend saying this to you; that you should just put up and shut up with feeling like a spare part as long as you get that ring on your finger one day. No one needs someone in their life who is going to give them that kind of advice.

This mindset not only reinforces the harmful notion that a woman's value is tied to her relationship status but also undermines the importance of personal happiness and fulfilment. Charlotte's unwavering commitment to the idea that a woman is incomplete without a man sets a regressive tone that contradicts the show's apparent image as a beacon of progressive feminism.

The show's creator, Candace Bushnell, has been open about Sex and the City not being a feminist manifesto and describes it as a product of a not-very-feminist time.  In an interview with The New York Post, she stated that Samantha Jones, the confident and sexually liberated character portrayed by Kim Cattrall, is the only character who was truly written for feminists. While Samantha challenges societal norms, embraces her independence and has a broader view of sexuality than they others, it is Charlotte's character that embodies the more insidious, covert misogyny that was ever-present in the late ‘90s and early '00s.

Throughout the seasons, Charlotte consistently judges her friends for deviating from her narrow definition of womanhood. Her disdain for Samantha's sexual liberation and Miranda's ambitious career choices reflects a deeply ingrained prejudice that undermines the diversity of women's experiences. Rather than embracing the empowerment and individuality of her friends, Charlotte attempts to impose her own values, perpetuating the idea that there is only one acceptable way to be a woman.

In various instances, she expresses her belief in the importance of traditional relationships, often reducing the worth of women to their ability to secure a husband.

Despite the show's attempts to portray Charlotte's growth and development, particularly in her relationship with Harry Goldenblatt, it's crucial to acknowledge that her transformation is more a result of conforming to societal norms rather than a genuine break from her prejudiced views. While her marriage to Harry, a normal, everyman by comparison to her first husband, Trey, may seem like a step toward personal growth, it does not absolve the character of the way she projects her anxiety about being the perfect, feminine woman onto her friends, and by proxy the viewers. 

In conclusion, Charlotte's character in Sex and the City acts as a subtle yet potent purveyor of sexist ideologies. Her misguided beliefs about relationships and femininity contribute to a narrative that stifles women's empowerment and perpetuates harmful stereotypes. While the show has been praised for its progressive elements, and it was certainly groundbreaking at the time, it’s essential to critically examine characters like Charlotte to better understand the nuanced ways in which sexism can manifest among women, even in seemingly glamorous and forward-thinking narratives. 

Delving into Charlotte’s character, it’s clear, to me at least, that having a friend like her is not only something no one really needs but something that could be detrimental to your sense of self-worth and self-image. I cannot imagine having lunch with someone who, on a regular basis, imposed their narrow worldview on me and expressed horror when I told them I didn’t always tidy up before I went to bed or didn’t think romantic relationships were the key to happiness. 

I’m not completely convinced we have moved on entirely from every outdated ideal this show pedals. But I would like to think that we know better than to put up with friends like Charlotte who don’t foster genuine support, understanding and acceptance. A genuine friend tells you when you need to cop on, yes, but they also encourage individuality, independence and the pursuit of true happiness rather than pushing you into a box you don’t really fit in.